Socially anxious man deletes dating apps and cold approaches 30 women, shares his fascinating results: 'My heart would race just thinking about saying hello'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 23, 2025 10:00 AM EST

Everyone hates dating apps. But what does the alternative look like?

We're in an age when everyone loves to complain about how technology is ruining our lives, but not many of us are thinking about how to fix it. We can agree that we hate the way dating apps flatten our interactions with each other down to a transaction. But it feels like that's just what the modern dating landscape is, and there is nothing we can do about it. But of course, this isn't true. We're human beings with autonomy, and we can approach each other in public if we so choose. One man did just that, but took it to a scientific degree. 

After being fed up with his romantic life and inability to approach people he was attracted to, one man decided to make a change. Instead of hiding behind a keyboard and hoping for the best, he put his money where his mouth was and embarked on a dating experiment. Sometimes you have to do something in the extreme to make it feel worthwhile. This is what he learned. 

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  • A man approaches two woman standing near a fence
    via Eliott Reyna

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Approaching 30 people isn't easy. Unless you're someone who talks to strangers all the time, odds are you probably avoid it. Not out of malice, but just because it's not something that all of us do. But this man approached 30 people and shared what he learned. Read on for his results. 

  • I deleted dating apps & approached 30 women. This is what happened...

    I've always been extremely socially anxious. Every time I saw someone attractive I'd immediately look away. My heart would race just thinking about saying hello. The fear was so bad I would literally cross the street to avoid walking past groups of women.
    via u/jessyjamesporl_
  • What changed everything was realizing that rejection is just data, not a judgment on my worth as a person. Sounds like a cringe podcast take, I know, but hear me out. I started small with simple interactions. Like asking for directions or complimenting someone's dog. No romantic intentions, just basic interactions. And then slowly did things further away from my comfort zone.
    via u/jessyjamesporl_
  • Here is the step-by-step challenge I followed: • First, I practised conversations with myself in the mirror until small talk felt natural. Sounds weird (and is a bit cringy ngl) but it helped. • Second, I set the goal of having one friendly conversation per day with anyone, not just women I was interested in. Third, I started • tracking all interactions in a diary-
    via u/jessyjamesporl_
  • like way to see my progress over time. ⚫ Fourth, I reframed rejection • • as practice and challenged myself to get rejected once a day. If I wasn't getting rejected, I wasn't talking to enough people. Finally, I challenged myself to approach women until I got a date. And after a lot of rejections, I did.
    via u/jessyjamesporl_
  • The biggest breakthrough was understanding that most people are just living their lives and not judging every interaction as harshly as I thought they were. I still get nervous most times but now I can actually start conversations without my voice shaking. Last month I approached 30 different women and had genuine conversations with most of them. Got a few numbers too. And 1 actual date.
    via u/jessyjamesporl_
  • Maybe this helps someone. NOTE: I hope this was obvious but if you ever approach someone please BE RESPECTFUL. If they are not interested, just be nice about it and leave. Don't be a creep please...
    via u/jessyjamesporl_
  • UPDATE: Lots of people have been asking the same questions in my DMs, so here is a summary for those who'd like to know • How do I make sure I'm not being creepy? In my opinion, if you have the fear of being creepy, you probably aren't. Most people who are, don't have that fear at all. Just treat everyone as normal people, be polite, smile, and learn to read the room. Don't linger around if the other person is busy or not interested in talking.
    via u/jessyjamesporl_
  • • What do you say to start a conversation? IT DOES NOT MATTER. This was one of the main things stopping me from approaching people. I told myself I didn't know what to say. The truth is, this was just an excuse. Once I stopped myself from overthinking, it all went better. Heck, I even used an app that gave me lines to use, so I didn't even have to think about it.
    via u/jessyjamesporl_
  • • How do you handle rejection? I personally overestimated how much rejection sucks. Ngl, the first few times it stung my ego, but the feeling went away pretty quickly. After a couple of weeks, I just stopped taking it personally. So in my experience, it will suck at first (tho less than you think), but eventually you naturally get over it.
    via u/jessyjamesporl_
  • • I also see a lot of people saying they can't approach people because of their looks. I'm an average-looking guy myself, so I'd recommend you try regardless of how good-looking you think you are. Just make sure you groom properly and don't stink.
    via u/jessyjamesporl_
  • SECURE THHSPS BEFORE MOVING CY MOYN
    via Eliott Reyna

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters gave their thoughts on this experiment.

    Super_Skunk1 Well done. I had a friend who always had girls around him, I never understood why. Later when I started to hang around I noticed he would talk to any woman he saw and thats why.
    via u/Super_Skunk1
  • b_profane This is fantastic. Great job. When I read the title I thought it was gonna be "I walked up to 30 attractive women and asked them out" - but your approach (learning to be comfortable just talking to people) is the right way to do it, i think.
    via u/b_profane
  • Not-that-type-of-guy I like this. As someone who definitely shies away from approaching women, I like this new perspective. Rejection is just data and rejection is practice! Well said. I am going to try and practice so maybe I can collect some data!
    via u/Not-that-type-of-guy
  • BeefPho- I hope women appreciate how hard it is for men to approach. We have to talk to so many women just to get that one yes.
    via u/BeefPho-
  • HidingInPlainSite404 If you are able to get rejected and not let it bother you, you will realize that you are more attractive than the "hot" shy guy.
    via u/HidingInPlainSite404
  • King_Elizabello Nice and sounds like you're doing the right thing to become more confident.
    via u/King_Elizabello
  • Leading_Draft_1953 I found this as well that most people are quite friendly and open if you just are respectful. I have engaged with so many more people since rescuing my current dog and it gives you and strangers something simple to talk about and bond over.
    via u/Leading_Draft_1953
  • Nothing is ever going to be perfect and you are going to meet unfriendly and hostile people but just let it go and move on and hopefully the next person will be better.
    via u/Leading_Draft_1953
  • Kelanen Nice, we are finally back to this. Only took like 20 years for people to start getting away from apps. Next loop we might get Black Mirror Al matching. Maybe denim and flared jeans will come back soon!
    via u/Kelanen
  • TriptOphan It's wild how easy it is when you just humanize people and talk to them. People will and won't be attracted to you. But you can have dope experiences talking to people until you find someone that IS attracted to you. Just let go of the idea that if someone isn't, it's because you're broken. It's just you aren't their flavor. That happens and it's ok.
    via u/TriptOphan
  • thenuttyhazlenut Yea, I don't care for dating apps anymore. Learning to approach is so powerful. 1. you can meet higher quality women by approach 2. you get to select who you want (to approach), you feel like the chooser
    via u/thenuttyhazlenut
  • 3. you're remembered, you made a much bigger impact than the guys who simply message her on an app
    via u/thenuttyhazlenut
  • Pinky_Glitter I wish I could just approach men irl who I find attractive But I'm too shy and too scared of rejection
    via u/Pinky_Glitter
  • Brandonarsic30 I've been shooting my shot at more women lately, probably 8 in the last 2 weeks, got 3 numbers. 2 we texted for a little bit and it fizzled out, but honestly. I don't cold approach, I'll wait for a girl to smile at me or something then ask how they are doing and go from there. Good stuff man!
    via u/Brandonarsic30
  • Smoke_Frog Man why do people hate apps so much lol. It's crazy. On the app, you know the person is single and looking. In real life, they could be married or taken or not interested lol.
    via u/Smoke__Frog

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modern dating technology romance dating apps men vs women dating dating advice
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